


maybe

by alsoalsowik



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Baby Fic, F/M, literally just hanji freaking the fuck out about being knocked up, or more acurately, plus levi speaks french, pregnacy fic, which is a thing i v much enjoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-27
Updated: 2014-01-27
Packaged: 2018-01-10 05:00:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1155393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alsoalsowik/pseuds/alsoalsowik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hanji Zoe does not get nervous. It is simply not in her nature; it’s not who she is. Everything she does is without hesitation and full of confidence. It’s almost unnatural, the way words spill from her lips without regret, the way her actions are never second guessed. But now, standing in the hallway, about to knock on the Lance Corporal’s door, she is overwhelmed with a desire to burrow under a rock and never emerge. Raising her fist to knock on the solid wood, Hanji wonders if it might be easier to face an Aberrant alone than to do this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	maybe

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! So this was posted on tumblr earlier today, and I'm actually pretty proud of how it turned out, so I figured I'd upload it here, too. Please tell me if this feels wildly OOC or something like that, okay? Enjoy!

Hanji Zoe does not get nervous. It is simply not in her nature; it’s not who she is. Everything she does is without hesitation and full of confidence. It’s almost unnatural, the way words spill from her lips without regret, the way her actions are never second guessed. But now, standing in the hallway, about to knock on the Lance Corporal’s door, she is overwhelmed with a desire to burrow under a rock and never emerge. Raising her fist to knock on the solid wood, Hanji wonders if it might be easier to face an Aberrant alone than to do this.

She brings her knuckles down, once, twice, three times, before Levi appears at the doorway, hair wet and torso bare, likely just back from a shower. Normally, Hanji would use this as an opportunity to grab him by the shoulders and kiss the daylights out of him, but this is different. She hears his voice telling her to come in and shut the door. She moves, but isn’t aware of where her feet are taking her.

“What’s wrong?” Levi asks, noticing her pained expression and the way she’s wringing her hands.

Hanji sits on his bed, clean and made up as usual. She looks up at him, only meeting his gaze for a moment before dropping it to the floor. “Hanji,” he starts, moving to sit beside her, “are you alright? What is it?”

“Levi, I’m pregnant.”

There it is; all of her agonizing let out in three little words. Hanji can’t bear to look at him, can’t bear to see disappointment or anger in his face. A small part of her hopes to whatever God might be watching over her that he’ll be happy. Maybe he’ll scoop her into his arms and whisper his happiness into her skin, maybe he’ll tell her how excited he is, _maybe_ -

“Are you sure?” comes his terse reply, eyes boring into hers. He doesn’t look angry or disappointed as she’d feared. No, he looks scared. _Terrified_. Hanji can’t say she doesn’t understand the feeling, in fact she feels much the same way. 

“Well, I went to the medic today, and she told me I’m about three months along, so, yeah. I’m sure.”

“What are you going to do?” he asks, and she understands what he can’t say.

“You mean, ‘What are _we_ going to do?’,” Hanji responds.

“Yeah. What are we gonna do about this?”

“I, uh, I don’t know.” 

She’s always wanted children, but not now. _Not like this_. Not with titans threatening their existence every damn day, killing off her friends and loved ones for sport. But a child with Levi wouldn’t be so bad, she thinks. She loves him, has been in love with him for years. She knows he loves her, too. So would it be all bad, having a baby right now? A tiny part of her brains says no. Hanji thinks of a small bundle of blankets with dark hair and light eyes, cooing and gurgling in delight. It looks nice in her head.

But a baby means taking time away from the Survey Corps. Women have done it, sure, but those women are not Hanji Zoe. They do not research titans to try and find the answer to winning the never-ending war going on. Hanji is important, her research is crucial to the plight of humanity. How can she possibly stop that for six months?

“Do you want to keep it?” Levi asks, bringing her out of her _what-if_ induced haze.

“Yes.” she answers automatically. _Oh_. So she does. Suddenly she is fiercely protective of the child growing inside of her, willing to fight off anyone who dares to take it from her.

“Okay.” he says. “I’ll support you in whatever decision you make, y’know.”

“I know.”

There’s a pause. Then Hanji speaks again.

“What do you think of this, Levi? I know the circumstances aren’t ideal for either of us, but what do you think?”

Levi looks at her, his expression softening slightly. “I don’t really know what to think, to be honest. I mean, this is going to change a lot of things. _A lot_. But if you want this, then I’ll be right by your side the whole time.”

“Are you scared? Because I’m afraid. I mean, titans and death I can handle, but this? This is fucking _terrifying_.”

“Fuck, of course. You waltz in here and tell me that I’m going to be a father? I’m scared out of my damn mind. I mean, I don’t know the first fucking thing about kids or being a parent.”

Hanji smiles a little, the knowledge that she isn’t alone in this lifting a weight from her shoulders. But still, the knowledge that there is a life growing inside of her is worrisome. There is still research to do, still things to be learned, to be uncovered. She’ll have to stop. No more live test subjects, no more spending days and days on end locked in her lab, only to emerge when Levi forces her to eat. No more expeditions. Well, for her at least. The Survey Corps will still require the services of Humanity’s Strongest.

She looks at Levi, clearly still processing this new information. She imagines a message from Erwin, a funeral, a child without a father. Hanji doesn’t want to, _can’t_ , do this alone. She continues thinking of Levi’s death. She’d have to tell their child about him. She’d have to balance motherhood and being a soldier, alone. A sudden pang of fear hits her in the deepest part of her heart. 

“Levi,” Hanji begins, “you have to promise me that I won’t be doing this by myself, okay?”

“You know I wouldn't abandon you.”

“That’s not what I mean. I don’t want you to-” she can’t even say it. _Damn_ , falling in love has really done a number on her.

“I can’t make any promises about that. You know that.” is his reply.

“Yes, but you can _try_. That’s all I’m asking. Promise me you’ll try not to,” she swallows hard, willing her superhuman confidence to return to her, “die.”

Levi responds without missing a beat, “I promise.”

“We have to go tell Erwin,” he continues. “I’ll let you go by yourself, if you want.”

Hanji shakes her head. They’ll do it together. She wonders, briefly, how Erwin will react. She’s not even sure that he knows that they’ve been together for years. They’ve been careful, because relationships get messy when there’s a good chance death is near. Plus, the Survey Corps is filled with nosey gossips. Hanji places a hand on her slightly softer-than-normal stomach, not feeling anything out of the ordinary. She’ll have to read up on pregnancy and babies later, when she’s not prodding at titans. Which will most likely be as soon as they tell Erwin.

“Let’s go,” she says, tugging Levi up off the bed. He gets up and moves toward the door, pausing and making a grab for Hanji. He leans up slightly and kisses her softly, knocking all of the air out of her lungs.

“ _Je t'aime_ ,” he says, almost too softly to be heard. Levi doesn’t proclaim his love often, but when he does, it’s soft and in his mother tongue. He says it this time as a reassurance that she won’t be alone, that he’ll do his best to stay alive, that he’s just as scared as she is. 

“I love you, too,” she says, just as softly. She takes his hand and they leave his bedroom, ignoring the stares from their fellow soldiers. 

Hanji Zoe does not get nervous. It is simply not in her nature; it’s not who she is. Everything she does is without hesitation and full of confidence. It’s almost unnatural, the way words spill from her lips without regret, the way her actions are never second guessed. But now, walking to go tell her commander that she’s pregnant, hand in hand with the man she loves, recruits staring at her in shock, she feels a flutter of something in her stomach. It’s probably nerves, she knows, but maybe, _maybe_ , it’s a sign from the child growing inside of her that everything is going to be alright.


End file.
